02-03-2009, 02:59 AM
Single males are often treated as “persona non grata” on a number of sites and boards and are usually explicitly NOT invited to lifestyle events. Are single men all SOL in swingers lifestyles or are there some suggestions that couples might have for generally “desirable” single males who want to participate? If so, what is it that makes them more desirable than not? These are our thoughts, but please feel free to add on to this thread.
There are several problems single men face. First, the vast majority of swingers lifestyles couples want to relate to other couples. Partly this may be related to less jealousy potential with committed couples, when compared to involvement with a single male who might have various possible motives. After all, the couples are hopefully both in stable relationships and there is less likelihood that anyone would try to steal away a wife, husband or partner......or become a pest, Jonesing for sex.
The second problem is that there are simply far many more men interested in the swingers lifestyle than single women, and balance is good in everything, including gender balance in a lifestyles group. especially when women get to choose who gets the honey. Here is a great description we found to drive this point home: “Look at it this way. Men produce 3 million sperm cells per minute. Women are born with all the egg cells they will ever have...and they end up maturing only a tiny fraction of them! By nature, females MUST be selective about the males they are attracted to. They're working with limited resources! Guys produce sex cells like confetti...cheap and renewable. We can "share" our seed at the drop of a hat. Very seldom will you see females of any species fighting over a male...but you'll often see the opposite. Same in humans. How often do you hear a fellow in a bar complain..."Jeez! I wish those girls would just leave me alone!"? So basically there is a HUGE oversupply of single men and little demand.
In our swingers lifestyles community we have had to limit the number of single males for reasons noted above. Posts that read something like “looking for "cunts" "pussy" etc” are not going to cut it. Most single men simply don’t understand that the mainstream of swinging, if you will, is not an ongoing fuck-fest with an “anything goes” flavor 24/7/365. Although orgies and more-somes are common as part of SPAM, a LOT of swinging is carried on couple on couple, which often includes a desire to go beyond recreational sex and get to know people. This is not always the case, but you get the idea…..there is a continuum.
Single females are far more likely to be accepted in the continuum of SPAM, but are really rather rare. If women want sex, they can go to any bar, not just swinger events. Also many more women are bisexual than men, so extra women are not nearly the problem than extra men. Finally, quite a few women who participate as part of a couple are bisexual or are open to exploring. This makes for a lot of non-threatening, enticing and mutually pleasing situations. Not so for male bisexuals who are all but shunned in the lifestyles continuum, for various reasons and fears. This is not to say there are no niche places for some male bisexuals in SPAM, but it is very very far from common.
However, with all of the above being said, single males can OFTEN bring some spice. MMF is not exactly rare. BUT the key is to present yourself well in person and in placing profiles on sites. It is true that it then usually boils down to "we'll find you" rather than the reverse. Many sites report that only 5-10% of couples are looking for single males and 50% are looking for single straight or bi-fems. On out site it is more 50/50, of those looking for a single playmate, but it is still a small poll sample.
This bears repeating: a BIG problem is that most single guys do not present themselves well and/or would not get a date anywhere even with $500 taped to their forehead. These single men do not get to play. And that’s fine…..maybe it’s not the place for you.
A well thought out profile on a site and a non-pushy, respectful and polite demeanor will go a long way. The gentlemen of the bunch WILL attract attention. Many sites, including SPAM, have search engines which allow couples to search for single guys specifically, should they desire to do so. In those cases, the above-described profile qualities will stand out.
There are several problems single men face. First, the vast majority of swingers lifestyles couples want to relate to other couples. Partly this may be related to less jealousy potential with committed couples, when compared to involvement with a single male who might have various possible motives. After all, the couples are hopefully both in stable relationships and there is less likelihood that anyone would try to steal away a wife, husband or partner......or become a pest, Jonesing for sex.
The second problem is that there are simply far many more men interested in the swingers lifestyle than single women, and balance is good in everything, including gender balance in a lifestyles group. especially when women get to choose who gets the honey. Here is a great description we found to drive this point home: “Look at it this way. Men produce 3 million sperm cells per minute. Women are born with all the egg cells they will ever have...and they end up maturing only a tiny fraction of them! By nature, females MUST be selective about the males they are attracted to. They're working with limited resources! Guys produce sex cells like confetti...cheap and renewable. We can "share" our seed at the drop of a hat. Very seldom will you see females of any species fighting over a male...but you'll often see the opposite. Same in humans. How often do you hear a fellow in a bar complain..."Jeez! I wish those girls would just leave me alone!"? So basically there is a HUGE oversupply of single men and little demand.
In our swingers lifestyles community we have had to limit the number of single males for reasons noted above. Posts that read something like “looking for "cunts" "pussy" etc” are not going to cut it. Most single men simply don’t understand that the mainstream of swinging, if you will, is not an ongoing fuck-fest with an “anything goes” flavor 24/7/365. Although orgies and more-somes are common as part of SPAM, a LOT of swinging is carried on couple on couple, which often includes a desire to go beyond recreational sex and get to know people. This is not always the case, but you get the idea…..there is a continuum.
Single females are far more likely to be accepted in the continuum of SPAM, but are really rather rare. If women want sex, they can go to any bar, not just swinger events. Also many more women are bisexual than men, so extra women are not nearly the problem than extra men. Finally, quite a few women who participate as part of a couple are bisexual or are open to exploring. This makes for a lot of non-threatening, enticing and mutually pleasing situations. Not so for male bisexuals who are all but shunned in the lifestyles continuum, for various reasons and fears. This is not to say there are no niche places for some male bisexuals in SPAM, but it is very very far from common.
However, with all of the above being said, single males can OFTEN bring some spice. MMF is not exactly rare. BUT the key is to present yourself well in person and in placing profiles on sites. It is true that it then usually boils down to "we'll find you" rather than the reverse. Many sites report that only 5-10% of couples are looking for single males and 50% are looking for single straight or bi-fems. On out site it is more 50/50, of those looking for a single playmate, but it is still a small poll sample.
This bears repeating: a BIG problem is that most single guys do not present themselves well and/or would not get a date anywhere even with $500 taped to their forehead. These single men do not get to play. And that’s fine…..maybe it’s not the place for you.
A well thought out profile on a site and a non-pushy, respectful and polite demeanor will go a long way. The gentlemen of the bunch WILL attract attention. Many sites, including SPAM, have search engines which allow couples to search for single guys specifically, should they desire to do so. In those cases, the above-described profile qualities will stand out.